Monthly Archives: November 2011

English 101

Ok, so this kinda started the other night at the Vet’s office.

The Viking and I brought our Nordic Goddess in because she wasn’t doing to well, she has some weird skin thing going on…let’s just say Thank You Odin for Puppy Insurance!! (Odin fits with our current theme, push through it; remember your sense of humor)

Well, they take Loki (yes, that’s my puppy’s name) to the back and check her out; and that leaves me (a Cajun Smartass) and The Viking (my Norwegian love) alone to talk and observe people. This older gentleman walks up to the counter, and the Viking looks out the little window in the door, the following conversation commences:

Him: That guy has on a KU sweatshirt, where is that from?

Me: uhmm, could be Kentucky…Kent…Kansas (not looking up, playing Words on my phone)

Him: Oh, ok.

Me:(looking up from my phone like I am in deep thought)  You know it could be from Nebraska too

Him: HUH? How?

Me: Well, Nebraska has a silent “K” on it. You know, like “K-nee”, it could be from “KNeebraska” State. (I can sell  ice to an igloo..yes, I meant it that way)

Him: Really?

Me: Yeah, you know there are a few words that have a silent K

Him: (almost convinced)–Yeah, you’re…(I start smiling and giggling…I can’t let a good joke go unlaughed at)…you’re just wrong for that…

(he walks out because let’s face it, the Vet office is pretty dern boring and it was my dog that isn’t feeling well)

So, that leads us to today!

We were driving down the road to pick up the Heathen Girl Child from school and we pass a convenience store that has a sign out front advertising the sale of tickets for a Christmas event. The sign says:

Tickets just $700 a piece.

Well, I said “DAMN! They are proud of some Christmas lights this year”

The Viking says: “What you mean”

Me: Well that sign said tickets were $700 a piece, but I’m sure they meant $7.00. Punctuation is important!!

Viking: Yeah, you’re right. (GOOD JOB!)

Me: Yeah, it can make all the difference in the world. A simple request can turn weird without the proper punctuation. For example: (I know I sound rather matter of factly, but that’s because that is where I was going with it! I am an Education Major, it will be my job to tell people they are wrong !)

Hey! Lets go eat, Grandma.

Turns into :

Hey let’s go eat Grandma!

Viking: (Laughing…I get a special joy when I can actually get him to laugh at something I say) Ew disgusting!

Me: NOT LIKE THAT! PERV!

Then he didn’t say anything, he giggled to himself. See, I don’t know if the joke was on how he really meant it and he showed me to be the perv…or how I thought he meant it. I’ve been thinking about that for about 3 and a half hours now….and I’m still confused.

Initially, when I had the idea to write this blog…I was going to have a moral to the story, make me seem enlightened. You know:

Moral of the Story–

Don’t give a Cajun an opening for a simple joke, we will laugh about it for days!

But I’m thinking maybe it’s:

Don’t try to make a Viking laugh unless you are ready for the carnage of your joke being mutilated, and then have him laugh even harder over killing a joke.

He gives me a goal in life…I’m going to make him laugh like a crazy person just once! Lord knows I laugh enough at the stuff he says.

 

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Real Time

Ok so this morning started off with some excitement!

I’ve recently started taking some new sleeping medicine since my insomnia is massive and can overtake even the most powerful of sleep aids. I am very fearful of over-sleeping and not getting the kids to school when the Viking isn’t home, so I tend to set a variety of alarms through out my room. Let’s see, the TV goes off…my clock goes off…and my phone goes off at various times and at various tones so I know how urgent it is that I get up.

Now, that being said, I have developed a rather nasty skill. I can reset clocks in my sleep. Not just add time to the regular time, but change alarms as well. And, it appears that I may have done this last night. I blame the sleep medicine. It says clearly on the label….”If you are the mom, you will probably reset every clock in your house just so you will over sleep and miss EVERYTHING that needs to be done in the morning.”

Well, we had the time change this last weekend and for the most part I have been doing pretty dern good on it, if I do say so myself….until…this morning. This morning the TV turned on; I turned it off. The phone alarm started; I turned it off. I have an iPhone, I actually turned off the phone…now we know that takes time and a certain hand-eye coordination to get done properly, and I snoozed my clock, and then woke up 1 minute later…LATE!

Now in my head I was very white rabbit, “I’m late, I’m late, I’m late for a very important date” and I start panic mode. Now, my 10 yr old is the only one I have to actually help get ready in the morning due to her exceptionalities. So I start yelling….GET UP! GET UP! I’M SORRY…I OVERSLEPT GET UP! And she jumps out of bed, I don’t think she ever actually touched the floor before saying “No momma, I’m up…no water!” ..ok, let’s pause in this for a second, she has been fighting me in the mornings, sooo last night I may have said “If you don’t get up on the first get up in the morning, I am dousing you with ice water”…yeah, and I overslept.

Well we power through, and I am looking at the clock “It’s 6:40 we have to go, come on come on.” Now in the course of the next 6 minutes, I have her dressed, shoes on, hair brushed, teeth brushed her medicine in and a quick piece of toast. My alarm goes off again, because apparently I hit snooze. I ask the boy to go and turn off my alarm for me, and I hear laughing.

I just stop moving, and stare at him.

Me: What is so flipping funny when I am running this late in the morning?

Him: *still laughing mind you”…Momma…*more obnoxiously hilarious laughter*…what time is it?

Me: Boy don’t mess with me!

Him: Momma…seriously *he stopped to breathe*…what time is it?

Me: *looks at the clock with extreme annoyance* Geez boy, it’s 6:46! The bell rings in…..*and I stop*

Him: *look of joy and satisfaction…the ha! told you so face*…what time?

Me: *slowly* 6:46…uhm, ok then! Thanks for participating in our little “I’m late drill” this morning, you have all passed…Princess, great job! Apparently I am going back to 3rd grade to learn how to tell time, and we have an hour before we need to leave. Get something real to eat for breakfast.

Dern sleep medicine, makes me be Super Mom extreme.


Halloween

So last week was a fuzzy blur–here are the higlights:

Monday, Oct 24–the 7th grader had an eye appointment and I learned you can have a freckle on your eye, he says it brought us closer. I asked how, he says “because we both have odd ball freckles that don’t know they should be on our noses.” (I have a freckle on my ear lobe, everytime I got my ears pierced it was crooked because they would try to pierce the freckle instead of the purple marker mark)

Not much else through out the week, and then we have Halloween! Oh the fun the demons had!

I had a “dead” Ninja, “I thought Ninjas were good and could get away” I said, the 7th grader says..”yeah but my eye freckle got in my way and I missed the tip of my blade” …I pointed out “if you’re dead, you didn’t miss it”. Yeah, that got me the “look”

 a “dead” Princess Pirate…but “a scary one momma, not the kind you go awe..but you hafta say ooo dead pirate”…so I asked her, “Did you walk the plank?” she said “No, they blew my ship up,” and then she just turned around and walked away; so ok..my 3 yr old’s ship has been blown up.

a “dead” Mario…yes from the video game. “How did you die? Mario has all of the extra lives” to which I was told yeah, but this is how Mario looks after you play Momma. Ahhh innocence of babes! “No, I’m teaching him how to fly, I don’t kill him,” and the 6 year old says “Really Momma? you’re joking me right” He doesn’t quite have the vernacular for sarcasm, but he sure does have the tone!

a “dead” pretty girl. My 10 yr old had an aneureysm and stroke when she was 15 months old, was in a coma and woke up on Halloween 9 years ago. So, since then we have tried to make Halloween a celebration once we were told everything would be ok. Now, I don’t like to associate the word “dead” with this child, so I asked her if she could come up with something else….she says “Sure! How bout…I’m your worst Nightmare!” …Yep! Nailed it!

a Thor. He wasn’t dead because: Thor is a God and Gods don’t die. Damn the logic. Although at some point during trick or treating Thor became the “Goddess of Thunder” because of his face jewelry. (the Mask)

Needless to say, it was a flipping blast…I have never been more proud or pleased to be their Momma/Step-Momma (Thor is my step-son). As they pillaged the candy from unsuspecting people, they all walked away with a “Thank You! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!”

Manners people, they make the world go around. Plus, if you don’t use them…I may get you in your eye freckle.