Monthly Archives: January 2012

Cause I’m Sugarbaby huh?

Today, I brought Gracie with me to Walmart and we walked around and shopped for her some new food. She is being tested for diabetes, so to help keep her feel better for now, I am very aware of everything she eats. So far today she has kept a pretty even keel:  no whining and fussing at the dog, no random scream at Netflix for buffering “Junk in the trunk” (Gnomeo and Juliet) and I am her favorite person.

Well, going through the store she was less than amused with people around her. We were in the toy section and a little boy was in front of us and he tripped. Well his dad fussed at him for getting in my way and making me mad. Uhm, yeah, my kids make me angry, not other people’s and definitely not a 4 yr old that tripped on his sagging “cool like baby daddy jeans”.

My daughter is my child. She said to this man:  “Don’t fuss you baby! Him tripped. Him not playin, gosh” and of course the “I pity you for being a douche head shake”. I just smiled and walked right on by.

We are minding our own business looking for silicone heart molds to make a valentine’s heart thing I found on pinterest. If you don’t know what pinterest is…here…you must look: http://pinterest.com/ it will forever change your life. (Ok, maybe not; but it gives you something to do). Anyway, we are walking through the baking stuff and this lady cuts Gracie off, like almost steps on her kind of cut her off, to which my child…yes MY child says: what is your problem I  walking here!

Now, in my daughter’s defense she is the most sweet, loveable, well-mannered child that you could ask for. She is considerate and helpful, empathetic and generally very well-behaved around adults. But today, she said it like it was.

So as we’re walking around she started asking about why she is eating new foods.

Me: because I want you to be healthy and not have a lot of sugary things.

Her: is this because she poked my finger and made it blood esserday?

Me:  yes, baby it is.

Her: is because her said my sugar is high?

Me: yes baby

and then she said the thing she always says to me when I say “I love you” to her

Her: is dacause I’m you sugarbaby huh momma?

Me: Yes baby I guess it is.

And that was that, she went back to pointing out things on the shelves and asking if she can have that or does it have sugar in it. A clerk dropped something and it kind of rumbled, so she quickly grabbed my phone and started pressing buttons. So afraid that she was trying to buy coins again (she tried it earlier for a game, hello? $45 for coins? uh, *cancel*) I grabbed my phone and noticed she was in the process of a text to her Aunt Kasey, I asked what was she saying, she replies: I need her to tell Loki (our dog)  don’t cry from the dunder (thunder) I’m coming.

What you doing?

Watching people.

Why?

Cause I got my eye in my hand.


Two Jennings?

Ok, so yesterday..the complete lack of intelligence day…apparently it is genetic!

 

Remember when I said the “intelligent 12 year old just shook his head” yeah, well! Let me tell you what that boy did yesterday afternoon!

He and the 3 yr old motor mouth had doctor appointments, nothing major, just a check-up. So he’s reading a book on the way there and the car is nice and peaceful because Bailey has completely fallen in love with the Kindle and motor mouth fell asleep. Well, I put on the blinker and start to take the exit. He looks up and we have the following conversation:

Him: Oh wow, we’re here already? (we live 45 mins from their Doctor because I refuse to find a new one)

Me: Yep, goes by faster when you have something to do.

Him: *looking around* so which Jennings are we in?

Me: *perplexed* huh?

Him: Which Jennings are we in? (mind you he is completely serious, and there is only one Jennings in the state of Louisiana)

Me: Uhm, the only one there is (in my head was: oh this will be interesting)

Him: No, there are two.

Me: uhhhh *drools* what?

Him: There are two Jennings Mom-muh! (tone included) You know, (eye roll) Jennings-Evangeline and Jennings-Elton.

Me: *dying laughing…can’t breathe I am laughing so hard–and causing a traffic jam at the stop sign, I forgot what I was doing for a minute) Uhm, Dew (a nickname…his real nickname is Xan..but I saw Xanadu, so Dew stuck) it’s the same Jennings. Those are the towns to the North of Jennings, and you get there by taking the road the other way.

Him: ooooohhhhhhhh! So you mean there is only one Lafayette? It’s just different parts?

Me: Are you messing with me? Because you know I can fall for crap pretty easy.

Him: uhmm yeah, of course I am. Totally messing with you. Ha..see.

Oh yeah, real believable.

 


Yep, Chipless Dip

Ok, this is going to be quick!

 

It’s one of those, to long for a status update…kinda irrelevant too with out the back story, but way to Me, not to share.

So, last night. I’m looking at ifunny, I love ifunny. If you dont know who they are, check it out here http://ifunny.mobi , there is also an app for your phone. ANYWAY! They posted up this picture:

This is the funniest commercial in the world to me right now. I laugh like a fool when it comes on.

Now, the part about me last night:

I was sitting here watching TV with my kiddos and looking at ifunny,  I see this and out of my mouth (my hand to baby Jesus) I said…out loud mind you: “OH NEAT! THEY HAVE THIS COMMERCIAL IN OTHER PLACES!” …yep, I said it. My very intelligent 12 year old, just looked at me and shook his head. What ever was I thinking.

Then today, I’m having a conversation with a very good friend of mine, she is loud and outrageous and often speaks before thinking, but that is what makes her …her. ANYWAY!

And she pointed out that I am rather simple. Not in a “simpleton” kind of way, but in a child-like honest kind of way. That if I say or do something it is what it is, and nothing more. I am a dip, without chips at times. But, that’s ok. I  would rather be naive, it keeps me from taking myself or my life to seriously.

I was at one time a mean and vindictive person, like no other. Until I realized that I am the cause of my own unhappiness, and unless I can be happy with  me…no one else will be. I think I’m much better to be around now.

OH!

One more, for a frequent blog follower–you know who you are:

I read your Facebook status today, and then proceeded to, some say stalk; I say research, the comments that followed.

The status was about bringing your daughter  to the hospital because she isnt feeling well, and one comment you made was “time for my LYSOL bubble”…now to everyone else…they knew what you meant. I however, sat here for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what you meant.

“Laughing YourSelf Out Loud” …no, why would she laugh if her daughter is sick?

“Leaving Your Sanity on the Lawn”…well, that kinda fits.

“Leave Your Socks On the Line”…I don’t think she hangs clothes to dry.

And then it hit me! *facepalm*…lysol, the disinfectant….yep, she’s a bit OCD…or in her case CDO because she puts the letters in order, none the less…she was my “LAMSBIACD” moment.

“Laugh At Myself Because I’m A Chipless Dip”

Happy Thursday!

 


It’s all about the context…

Ok, so I am sitting here minding my own business…looking at different blogs all over the web and learning new ways to do things. My daughters are playing “baby-dolls” in their room and being little mommas.

Well, they were in the kitchen at first, and I mentioned “don’t y’all have a room”…and suddenly they remembered that cave they call a room. So the conversations started.

Bailey: It’s time to get our dawters from school.

Katherine Grace: Oh, poop! We’ll be late…we have to drive.

Bailey: No we won’t, this is in the future so we don’t have to drive

(They are walking across the living room to their room)

Grace: Oh! So in the future we will walk everywhere.

Bailey: Nooo silly….we float in no gravity.

So off they go to their room, and the land of finding their daughters. The next conversation isn’t quite so cute. At first:

Bailey: No, girls have innies.

Grace: So, boys have outies?

Bailey: Yeah, real boys have outies…boys that are supposed to be girls have innies… (My girls get transgender)

Grace: Really?

Bailey: well of course. Girls are always innies, and boys are always outies…its how you know

Grace: *dying laughing*

Bailey: What is so funny?

Grace: CONNOR IS AN INNIE! CONNOR IS A GIRL!

Bailey: No, he doesn’t have one…Momma unscrewed his and took it off because he was running around the house one day.

Finally! I get it! They are talking about belly buttons!! Oh sweet merciful baby Jesus, they are still innocent. Man, I was getting worried for a second.

OK, the story on how you unscrew a belly button.

When I was a little girl, I lived with my grandparents; these people were Saints I tell you. My grandfather was a Pentecostal Minister, and so was my grandmother. Actually, my grandmother was one of the first Ordained Pentecostal Ministers of the time. Yes, this is a big deal…say oooo! Neat! Ok thanks.

Anyway! One day I was about 9 or so, and it was rainy and wet outside, and I couldn’t play. So instead I was running through the house with our dogs and making noise. Well, the kitchen was a step up from the living room, and then a step down going to the back hall. I would forget about the step up again on the way back through and always crash through the china hutch. My grandmother would sit at the little island or at the table with my grandfather and have coffee in the afternoons while they talked and prayed or read their bible together; and my 9 yr. old self crashing into the china hutch was a bit of a disturbance.

Granny looked up that day and told me to go fetch a screwdriver; I said yes, ma’am and did what I was told to do. I brought her the screwdriver, and she put it on the table next to her pen. I went back to running through the house, crashing into the china cabinet and then tripping over a rocking chair. How did that get there! (I did have to get the screwdriver from Pawpaw’s truck) Well I got up finished the track to the front bedroom, turned around and came back through…tripped over the rocker again and almost made the corner, when low and behold the hand of God reached down and stopped me.

Ok, it was Pawpaw, but in my mind it was something much larger because I just…stopped. Granny grabs my shirt and shows my belly button, and puts the screwdriver on it and started turning the screwdriver, she wasn’t hurting me so don’t get all Child Protection on me; I looked down and asked:

Me: Granny, uhm…whatcha doin?

Granny: Hush, be still I almost got it!

Me: uhm…Granny?

Pawpaw: Give her a warning first…you know how much trouble they are to put back on.

Granny: Ok, a warning. (She turns the screwdriver the opposite way…righty tightie, lefty loosey) Papoose! If you don’t sit still and read a book or do SOMETHING ELSE, I am going to unscrew your bellybutton and let your legs fall off.

Me: Yes ma’am….does that really work though? (Doubting Thomas here)

Pawpaw: Sit down and let me see your leg.

I sat down, he took my leg and swung it back and forth…”See that, it’s still loose it just wobbles there”

I went read a book.

28 years later, I understand where I get my sense of humor from.

What is one of your funny childhood memories?